One of the first things people ask you is, "How are the kids doing?" The truth is they are doing pretty good. Today broke my heart a little. As I was getting Wyatt ready for church he kept asking if his friends were going to be at church. He then asked if his daddy would be there. I reminded him that Daddy was in heaven with Jesus. Then, he told me that he wanted to go up there with Jesus. And then he said, "I want my daddy back." I just hugged him and said, "Me too." I finished getting him ready and I told him he looked handsome and he said, "Like Daddy!" Yep! I wasn't surprised that it took about six weeks for Wyatt to realize that Isaac was gone and not coming back. Children process things very differently. It will be interesting to see how the children grieve as they grow in understanding. When Isaac first passed away, Wyatt asked a few times about Isaac. But after telling him a few times that Isaac was up in heaven with Jesus, he stopped asking. Rosie would say "daddy" when she saw his picture or his truck. Rosie hasn't demonstrated understanding beyond that.
Right after Isaac died, I was mostly sad for my kids. Maybe that's just typical mom behavior, you worry more about the kids than yourself. It breaks my heart that their dad won't be there for so many moments of their lives. It breaks my heart because Isaac wanted to be there and we'd talk about the things we could do with the kids when they were older. I sometimes can't get over the fact that Rosie barely knew him. He had such a special love for her. You could just see it in his eyes. And I know that maybe someday they'll have a stepdad who will love them. And I know that they have grandpas and uncles who love them. But it is just painful to think that they won't be able to see or feel that love from their father the way I could when he was here. Luckily, we have lots of pictures and videos. I hope that those help the kids to feel close to him. Wyatt and I often look at videos and pictures together. I feel like it is a positive way for him to connect with his dad. When we went to the pumpkin patch Wyatt made sure that we got a daddy Isaac pumpkin, and a mama pumpkin, and two baby pumpkins. I also caught him the other day playing with his spidermen. He has a small one and a bigger one. He told me the big one was "daddy Isaac spiderman." And the small one was "Wyatt spiderman." It's kind of funny how he says "daddy Isaac" a lot. But he also calls me "gegecca" a lot now too! I guess that's what happens when you have a lot of company!