Tomorrow is Father's Day. It will be our first Father's Day without Isaac. I'm heartbroken that we can't spend the day with him, but we can still celebrate his fatherhood. I want to share with you what I know about Isaac and fatherhood.
When Isaac and I were engaged, we discussed how quickly we wanted to have children after getting married. Isaac was sure that he didn't want to wait. He said that I would have to decide because he was always ready. Whenever people asked Isaac about how many kids he wanted, he would always shout off a number like 8 or 10. People would then look at me with questioning eyes. Of course, Isaac knew that I wasn't about pop out that many babies, but he wanted as many kids as he could possibly have. In fact, Isaac even called his friends, "Mijo," which means "son" in Spanish. See, he even wanted to adopt his friends! Isaac was fatherly to his friends, sometimes offering unsolicited advice. Isaac truly wanted his friends to be happy, the way a father wants his children to be happy. Isaac is one of the most loyal people I have ever met. He loves his friends and family more than anything. Family was everything to Isaac.
I remember the way Isaac would so sweetly talk to the children, play with them, and dance with them. He always wanted to include them. He would sing to them and he loved to do cheers with them. Wyatt always loved when he and Isaac would put their hands on top of one another and lift their hands up in the air shouting, "Gooooooo team!"
When Isaac first died, I thought, "What about the other three?" We had both really felt that we would end up having five children. I really wonder if when Isaac died he was upset that he didn't get to have more children. Isaac loved being a father and he dearly loved his father. He had a profound respect and love for his dad. When we would go visit his parents he would often go work with his dad. I know that he loved working with his dad while he was growing up and he looked forward to Wyatt working alongside him. I'm really grateful for Isaac's dad. Isaac is like his dad in a lot of ways and the kids adore him. In some ways they will get to know their dad through their grandpa. I'm grateful that they already feel a strong bond with Isaac's dad. I know that will be a very important relationship for them.
I'm heartbroken that my children won't have Isaac here to father them. I know we live in a world where a lot of people mock fathers and disregard their importance, but fathers are not replaceable or interchangeable parts in the family. There is a real void where Isaac used to be. Although he can't be here to talk with his children or answer their questions, his life, his journals, videos, pictures, and the memories that we share with them will help them to feel his love and influence beyond his death. I may mourn the way I expected Isaac to father our children, but I know that he can continue to father them as we remember and celebrate him.
Happy Father's Day Isaac! We love you and miss you dearly.